Quotations
Funny

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
- Alexandre Dumas

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain

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