Quotations
Funny

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

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